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I think she could tell I wasn’t. ‘See,’ I added, ‘now you know my secret, too.’ She kissed me again, but this time the tension was all but gone. She had inadvertently left herself wide open to exploitation. My response had been to let her off the hook—I had already given her the money she needed and given her permission to leave—but especially I had shared my secret with her, making me vulnerable as well, when I there was no reason to except to balance the scales of risk between us. By sharing. Well almost never did. Fast forward a year... We had become very close, helping each other stay sober and sharing our experiences with problems and relationships. Even though Catie and I had never had sex, we always ended up talking about what the sex was like with these other people. She would joke about things like my penis being too big for a girl or her breasts being too much for a guy. The truth is, it was too big for some girls, and I wondered how Catie knew that. We'd watch movies. I did not know she had found me out; I had some experienceas being the top always. We stared to talk about this some. She even did someof her own research. ??????????? One day sheadmitted she had interest but she would not be the bottom, I was to change myways. Oh you know I had the usual thoughts ?I will let her try and seeing thatshe was not use to a top role, that maybe I could change this up real quick.? Iwas mistaken in that thought. When we started she could show a dark side of herI never. The next few weeks, we essentially engaged in very little intimacy, and certainly not sex. When Jan told me what Doctor John said about penetration, I asked her if that might include oral sex, or using my fingers on her. She made a face of disgust, and said that she didn't like the idea of either one, and especially didn't want me to put my fingers in her vagina. I was curious about that and so I asked her, "Why not?" That is when she slipped and told me, "Because that is what Dr. John does to.
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